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Gary Neuman, author of "Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship" (Three Rivers Press)."And then you put a video game on or something." Oh, Jimmy. In maybe the best 9 minutes of television ever, Nicole Kidman revealed on Tuesday's "Tonight Show" that once upon a time she sorta, kinda had a thing for Jimmy Fallon. "And then you put a video game on or something." Oh, Jimmy. In maybe the best 9 minutes of television ever, Nicole Kidman revealed on Tuesday's "Tonight Show" that once upon a time she sorta, kinda had a thing for Jimmy Fallon. (Heidi Stevens)"I will have an easier time as a therapist if the couple walks in and the man or woman had random sex with a stranger than somebody who has found a best friend on the Internet and they haven't even touched," Neuman said."People underestimate that trauma because no one talks about it. You have to understand what the person went through and give them the opportunity to let it go.

(Heidi Stevens)Recognizing red flags Here are some signs your spouse could be cyber cheating, from Neuman: First you know, then the sharing stops.I was co-hosting a company-sponsored discussion last fall, open to the public, about coping with divorce. The whole affair was online."The man added that his marriage had ended partly because of it — but still, he needed clarification about whether that Internet relationship constituted infidelity. Several people in the audience nodded "yes," followed by a response from our expert on hand, therapist and author Ross Rosenberg, who specializes in treating sex addiction."Cheating is when you are verbally, emotionally or physically intimate with somebody other than your spouse or partner," said Rosenberg, author of "The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us" (PESI Publishing and Media).A member of the audience shared with the group that he had discovered his wife was involved in a cyber affair."Is that considered cheating? "This can become an affair when there is a relationship ..."But it's what we do with our marriages all the time.To me it's a very simple mathematics equation: the more energy that goes (outside the marriage), the less energy goes into your marriage."Remain optimistic. If both parties are willing to work on their issues, anything is fixable.

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